


useless gays hotline

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Chatting & Messaging, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, For reasons, Genderfluid Deceit Sanders, Humor, Idiots in Love, Jokes, Multi, Nonbinary Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Texting, Trans Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Trans Deceit Sanders, also not apparent in the first chapter but will be added onto later, becomes apparent in later chapters probably, brought to you by a tired college student, deceit uses she/her and he/him, deceit's name is eve in this, remus has ocd, she's also got a prosthetic, the roceit comes later, this is mostly fluff, writing this to take a break from school hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22687336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: distressedmess: so. my boyfriend. our lovely friend and rat bastard, remus princedistressedmess: just broke out into song in the middle of the fucking parking lotdistressedmess: belting out Hamilton lyrics and dramatically sweeping me off my feet while singing helplessdistressedmess: and roman just fucking. starts singing satisfieddistressedmess: im getting mixed signalssnakeeyesmf: im assuming by these messages that you have arrived at the campus and are moving in?snakeeyesmf: also I don’t know why you’re surprised this is the princes we’re talking abtsnakeeyesmf: I mean I don’t know much about the other one but I know remus and he is, to put it mildly, Extradistressedmess: I love how you ignored the implications that both of the prince brothers are basically admitting that they both love me and want to marry medistressedmess: in favor of “have you moved into your dorm yet”
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 38
Kudos: 196





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> usernames list:
> 
> Deceit: snakeeyesmf  
> Remus: getcreativebitch  
> Virgil: distressedmess  
> Roman: princelyjudgment  
> Patton: residentdad  
> Logan: 2billogical

distressedmess: so. my boyfriend. our lovely friend and rat bastard, remus prince

distressedmess: just broke out into song in the middle of the fucking parking lot

distressedmess: belting out Hamilton lyrics and dramatically sweeping me off my feet while singing helpless

distressedmess: and roman just fucking. starts singing satisfied

distressedmess: im getting mixed signals

snakeeyesmf: im assuming by these messages that you have arrived at the campus and are moving in?

snakeeyesmf: also I don’t know why you’re surprised this is the princes we’re talking abt

snakeeyesmf: I mean I don’t know much about the other one but I know remus and he is, to put it mildly, Extra

distressedmess: I love how you ignored the implications that both of the prince brothers are basically admitting that they both love me and want to marry me

distressedmess: in favor of “have you moved into your dorm yet”

snakeeyesmf: I have been here for 3 hours

snakeeyesmf: waiting. ever so patiently. for my best friend of 4 years to arrive so I can ignore the rest of the world and get all of my social needs from a single person

snakeeyesmf: knowing full well that if you did not arrive fast enough I would strangle the next person who asked whether or not I had a dick

snakeeyesmf: even tho I CLEARLY have she/her and he/him pronouns as well as the trans & genderfluid flags ON MY DOOR

distressedmess: well ig im starting off the semester with murdering a transphobe

distressedmess: what building are you in

snakeeyesmf: Madison

distressedmess: floor?

snakeeyesmf: 2

distressedmess: oh damn we’re on the same floor okay

snakeeyesmf: WERE IN THE SAME DORM???

snakeeyesmf: YOU DID NOT INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION??

distressedmess: I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT LIKE TWO DAYS AGO WHAT MY DORM NUMBER AND BUILDING WAS BC I FORGOT TO CHECK ALL SUMMER FUCK OFF

distressedmess: and even then I only know bc remus and I are roommates

snakeeyesmf: I am now hoping and praying we are not neighbors

snakeeyesmf: I do not want to be subjected to the sounds of you two having sex

distressedmess: our room is 243

snakeeyesmf: I am going to kill whoever assigned these rooms

distressedmess: LAKHFSLDKHGL

distressedmess: remus just screamed

snakeeyesmf: o no

snakeeyesmf: does this mean you’re on your way?

distressedmess: we’re going up the stairs as we speak

distressedmess: and by that I mean he’s carrying me up the stairs bc I am tiny and he is faster than me

snakeeyesmf: you two are unbelievable

snakeeyesmf: IS HE SERIOUSLY SINGING THE FUCKIGN BEETLEJUICE MUSICAL

distressedmess: I don’t control the rat bastard

snakeeyesmf: I HATE HIM

snakeeyesmf: GET IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW

distressedmess: ok!!!!

___

princelyjudgment: my brother and his boyf are fucking ridiculous

2billogical: this is information we are All aware of roman

2billogical: just as we are aware of the fact you, too, are ridiculous

princelyjudgment: patton im gonna kill ur brother just fyi

residentdad: Cease

princelyjudgment: :(

residentdad: are you on campus yet?? we’re setting up our sides of the dorm rn

princelyjudgment: still cant believe we got a triple

2billogical: I still can’t believe you decided to go to college considering the amount of times I had to listen to you rant about how unnecessary it was

2billogical: All Four Years Of High School

2billogical: in an attempt to convince me not to go

princelyjudgment: yea well clearly you won those debates so you can SHUT UP AND STOP RUBBING YOUR VICTORY IN MY FACE NOW KTHX

residentdad: can u two like. Behave. at All

residentdad: for like 2 seconds

2billogical: are you on campus princey?

princelyjudgment: yea I am

princelyjudgment: me and my bro just got done embarrassing emo nightmare in the parking lot and then they both ran off somewhere

residentdad: do you know why???

princelyjudgment: smth abt an old online friend idk

princelyjudgment: sometimes I forget that my brother like. talks to people. and isn’t some cryptid who crawled out of the woods

residentdad: ROMAN

residentdad: tho I mean you’re not wrong

princelyjudgment: HE’S A GOOD CRYPTID!!!! HE’S JUST SMELLY AND HAS NO SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION

2billogical: and has the occasional need to list off facts about decomposition, body dismemberment, famous serial killers…

residentdad: the time we went into his room and found all those weird drawings about creepy monsters just. taped all over his walls?

2billogical: how on Earth did he get some of those on the ceiling

residentdad: I have no idea considering he hates ladders???

princelyjudgment: ok first of all rude my brother has ocd be nice

residentdad: right

2billogical: my apologies

princelyjudgment: second of all THOSE WERE GOOD DRAWINGS??? plus he was obsessed with slenderman for like, 3 years let him be an oddball

princelyjudgment: its better than being able to list all the “best mathematicians” anyway

residentdad: you cant see it

residentdad: but logan just lied down on his bed and screamed into his pillow

2billogical: exposed by my own brother

2billogical: you must not be overly attached to your snack stash bc those are now Mine

residentdad: >:o !!! DO NOT

princelyjudgment: ARE EITHER OF YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHERE OUR BUILDING IS

princelyjudgment: BC IDK WHER E WILLSBROOK IS FROM MADISON AND I AM TERRIBLE WITH DIRECTIONS

2billogical: what parking lot are you in?

princelyjudgment: 53

2billogical: omw

princelyjudgment: I love u

2billogical: on second thought, you can suffer

princelyjudgment: IT IS PLATONIC AFFECTION

princelyjudgment: LOVE OF THE PUREST FORMm

princelyjudgment: logan pls I’m actually starting to freak out

2billogical: sorry

2billogical: we’re leaving now

princelyjudgment: thank g od

___

getcreativebitch: ROMAN IM FUCKING CRYING I CAN’T THINK AT ALL IM ALKFHSDLLKAFHDSLKGHS

princelyjudgment: what in god’s green earth is the matter with u

getcreativebitch: a lot bitch im related to u

princelyjudgment: rUDE

princelyjudgment: but also is it bad crying or like, happy crying

getcreativebitch: HAPPY CRYING

getcreativebitch: it’s been like a billion years and I finally got to meet dee face to face and she’s the best fucking person ever I love her sm

getcreativebitch: and then I started thinkin abt how amazing virgil is and how id die for HIM and how I want to marry him and I jusltkhdskghsl

getcreativebitch: I feel like ive been shot but like, a Bunch and it was with love and not bullets

princelyjudgment: I don’t know how to take any of that

getcreativebitch: [image attached]

getcreativebitch: l o o k

princelyjudgment: i

princelyjudgment: oh

princelyjudgment: I like her hair

princelyjudgment: and her mask? thing??

getcreativebitch: it’s a prosthetic!!! it’s rlly gnarly she took it off and showed me the good shit

princelyjudgment: what in the Fuck does that mean

getcreativebitch: half of her face is missing

getcreativebitch: she called herself ugly Once and me and virgil immediately initiated the cuddle pile that u see in that image

princelyjudgment: she is very pretty ???

getcreativebitch: RIGHT

getcreativebitch: im gonna get her hooked up w a partner by the end of the semester I s2g

princelyjudgment: remus no

getcreativebitch: REMUS YES

getcreativebitch: speaking of hook ups

getcreativebitch: see any hot guys yet?

princelyjudgment: I have literally only seen patton and logan so far bc we’re rooming together

princelyjudgment: unless your boyf counts, to which, yes, I have

getcreativebitch: first of all fucker he is mine and I will cut u if u try it

getcreativebitch: second of all, heart vomit & walking encyclopedia are both hot even if pats wants to kill me on any given time of the day

princelyjudgment: patton doesn’t have a murderous bone in his body shut up

getcreativebitch: UHHHH HAVE YOU SEEN THE LOOKS HE GIVES ME

getcreativebitch: ily roman but ur friends are fuckin brutal and patton definitely hates my guts

princelyjudgment: no

getcreativebitch: give me proof otherwise then

princelyjudgment: .

princelyjudgment: it’s a work in progress

getcreativebitch: bold move but also u Know. u KNOW that that’s not going to end well so just don’t

princelyjudgment: fine

princelyjudgment: wait

princelyjudgment: DOES S HE AHVE A TRANS FLAG

getcreativebitch: YEAH SHE’S GENDERFLUID

getcreativebitch: SHE’S TRANSITIONING AND FUCKING OWNING IT AND I LOVE HER SHE’S AN INSPIRATION

princelyjudgment: HOLY FUCK YESSS TRANS BUDDIES???

princelyjudgment: I have now made it my goal to meet her

getcreativebitch: dw u will

getcreativebitch: ….actually wait

princelyjudgment: ?

getcreativebitch: >:)

princelyjudgment: i

princelyjudgment: Don’t You Dare

getcreativebitch: YOU BOTH NEED DATES COME ONNNNN

princelyjudgment: CEASE AND DESIST OR I WILL ROB YOU OF YOUR BONES

getcreativebitch: JOKES ON YOU FUCKER THEY’RE NOT MINE

getcreativebitch: VIRGIL OWNS MY ASS AND YOU KNOW IT

princelyjudgment: im blocking your number

getcreativebitch: maybe but u can’t block out what ive said and rlly that just means im the winner here

princelyjudgment: literally burn

getcreativebitch: no but I can get fucked if u rlly want me to be punished

princelyjudgment: B U R N

___

snakeeyesmf: remus I can Feel you giggling wtf are you doing

getcreativebitch: making my bro regret ever knowing me

distressedmess: so the usual then?

getcreativebitch: yea p much

snakeeyesmf: can u get him to forget seeing my face by any chance?

getcreativebitch: how the FUCK

getcreativebitch: idk HOW you saw me take that pic u weren’t even looking????

snakeeyesmf: remus. sweetie. you’re adorable.

snakeeyesmf: but the fact you think I didn’t notice is frankly insulting and I Will Not stand for it

getcreativebitch: i

getcreativebitch: listen. you are very pretty & my brother NEEDED to be aware of the fact I have beautiful friends

getcreativebitch: actually he just. needed to see proof of the fact I have friends

getcreativebitch: this is a painful conversation we have often and im v tired

snakeeyesmf: is he blind?

getcreativebitch: NO HE IS NOT BLIND

getcreativebitch: AND FOR THE RECORD HE SEES YOUR BEAUTY JUST FINE

getcreativebitch: also he likes your prosthetic

snakeeyesmf: ??????????????????

snakeeyesmf: I do not believe any of this for a second

distressedmess: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

distressedmess: THAT WAS N O T AN INVITATION TO KNOCK ME OFF THE B ED

snakeeyesmf: remus your bf makes squeaky sounds

getcreativebitch: IKR

getcreativebitch: cute babey spider

snakeeyesmf: adorable tiny man

distressedmess: LITERALLY FUCK THE BOTH OF YOU

snakeeyesmf: I am not interested

getcreativebitch: I am very interested but I doubt dee wants to watch

snakeeyesmf: I don’t

distressedmess: LASKDHSLKGLSDKGHLSDKHGLSKDGKG

distressedmess: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT DEE

getcreativebitch: FUCK UR RIGHT I GOT DISTRACTED

snakeeyesmf: I appreciate the sentiment but I am well aware of my looks. you don’t have to lie about it

getcreativebitch: whoever made you think that you’re not good looking is going to meet the business end of a knife

getcreativebitch: specifically my knife

getcreativebitch: I will not tolerate ppl hurting u

snakeeyesmf: and if I am one of those people?

snakeeyesmf: I am being hugged

getcreativebitch: you are bc I have a lot of love to give and you need all of it

snakeeyesmf: i

snakeeyesmf: virgil im stealing your bf

distressedmess: HEY

getcreativebitch: alkfhdklhglksdhg

getcreativebitch: ily dee but not like that

snakeeyesmf: I wasn’t serious

getcreativebitch: I literally do not understand jokes but go off

distressedmess: WOW

distressedmess: anyways dee is fucking amazing and if anyone says anything bad about her or her appearance I will Kill Them On Sight

snakeeyesmf: No.

snakeeyesmf: Do Not.

getcreativebitch: BET

snakeeyesmf: DO FUCKING NOT

snakeeyesmf: YOU ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE I CAN TOLERATE I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO GET YOU OUT OF JAIL

distressedmess: the fact that you aren’t opposed to the murder

distressedmess: but instead to us getting arrested

distressedmess: says a Lot

snakeeyesmf: sometimes murder is ok

getcreativebitch: ALKFHSDLKGHSLDGHLS?????

distressedmess: ok im officially concerned

snakeeyesmf: I mean there’s a reason that self-defense is a reasonable argument in the court of law

snakeeyesmf: and I doubt I need to remind you of the existence of serial killers, rapists, terrorists, etc.

getcreativebitch: surprised u didn’t mention nazis

snakeeyesmf: I would gladly go to jail for killing a nazi dear

distressedmess: I mean. same

distressedmess: but also can we not talk abt this im starting to get all ehhh

getcreativebitch: ofc!!!!

getcreativebitch: we should probably. actually move our shit anyway

distressedmess: or we could just

distressedmess: not

distressedmess: and just cuddle instead

getcreativebitch: …

getcreativebitch: JUST cuddling or??

snakeeyesmf: if you’re going to be gross then do it out of my room

snakeeyesmf: I prefer having to not bleach my eyeballs

distressedmess: fair

getcreativebitch: fair but also fuck u

snakeeyesmf: still not interested

getcreativebitch: >:///

___

princelyjudgment: my parents are officially GONE and my stuff is now IN OUR ROOM

princelyjudgment: move in complete I am going the FUCK to bed

2billogical: it is 1pm

princelyjudgment: logan my mother Just Left don’t tell me what to do

2billogical: you are Exhausting

princelyjudgment: and yet, we are friends

princelyjudgment: funny how that worked out

residentdad: if you go to sleep now you’ll miss movie marathon

residentdad: I brought Disney movies !!!!!

princelyjudgment: …..do u have Aladdin

residentdad: I do!!!!

princelyjudgment: !!!!!!!!

princelyjudgment: on second thought naptime can wait

princelyjudgment: movie time!!!!

2billogical: you are both childish

residentdad: I also brought onesies

2billogical: …….i hate you

residentdad: lmao ily2 bro

residentdad: Get In Here im putting the movie in rn!!!

princelyjudgment: comin!!!

2billogical: I would prefer to get a start on assignments

residentdad: but why do that when u can have fun

2billogical: I have a feeling you are only saying that to get me to watch movies with you

residentdad: maybe !!!

residentdad: classes don’t start for a couple days anyway so like !!! movies!!!

princelyjudgment: come on specs it’ll be fun

princelyjudgment: we can make fun of it & point out inconsistencies if it’ll make it better

2billogical: …..fine

princelyjudgment: :D !!

residentdad: :D !!

___

snakeeyesmf: I know you two are probably sleeping

snakeeyesmf: but I just wanted to say thank you for earlier

snakeeyesmf: it’s stupid but it helped? I guess?

snakeeyesmf: and I know it’s

snakeeyesmf: I don’t know how to word this

snakeeyesmf: it’s ?? unhealthy ?? maybe??

snakeeyesmf: but I didn’t really have much growing up and all of my family hates me and I’m only here because my brother is a literal saint and the fact I have the two of you in my life is a miracle and I don’t know what I’d do without you

snakeeyesmf: and I’m really !! worried I’m going to fuck it up because I’m not good with friendships but I really want to try and uh yeah

distressedmess: dee

snakeeyesmf: hi

snakeeyesmf: I thought you were sleeping?

getcreativebitch: we were but virgil’s text tone is obnoxious

distressedmess: im choosing to ignore you

getcreativebitch: :/

distressedmess: dee are you ok?

snakeeyesmf: I just sent you a heartfelt message and you’re seriously asking me that

getcreativebitch: our door is unlocked

snakeeyesmf: .

getcreativebitch: get in here it’s cuddling time

snakeeyesmf: I would die for you

distressedmess: are you crying??

snakeeyesmf: I would Die For You and I’m omw

getcreativebitch: we’ll be here

snakeeyesmf: hard to believe

distressedmess: better believe it eve

distressedmess: now get in here we’re watching world’s dumbest

snakeeyesmf: k


	2. Chapter 2

distressedmess: do u want to be angelica

snakeeyesmf: what

distressedmess: do u. want. to be angelica.

snakeeyesmf: do not. passive aggressively. shoot periods at me.

snakeeyesmf: but also What Does That Mean

distressedmess: alskdhsl

distressedmess: Hamilton musical

distressedmess: eliza’s sister

distressedmess: do u want to be the angelica of the group

snakeeyesmf: i

snakeeyesmf: I mean yes bc have you heard her sing

snakeeyesmf: but also who is part of this group

snakeeyesmf: what happens in this group

snakeeyesmf: and why are you asking me rn

distressedmess: so far it’s me, remus, roman, logan & patton

distressedmess: im lafayatte & madison, remus is Hercules & Jefferson, roman is Hamilton & George Washington, logan is burr & john laurens & patton is eliza & philip

snakeeyesmf: I am totally not jealous about the fact that eliza is taken

distressedmess: alkhfdshshl

distressedmess: I mean you guys can always share it

distressedmess: and honestly we don’t really?? do anything with the roles it’s mostly just us making jokes and occasionally singing the songs together

snakeeyesmf: you mean like how the prince brothers serenaded you in a parking lot

distressedmess: ANYWAY

distressedmess: im asking rn bc we need someone to sing satisfied and you’re the only other musical nerd me and remus know

distressedmess: and, as remus is now informing me, you and roman still haven’t met

distressedmess: so he needs to “work his magic” or whatever

snakeeyesmf: I don’t want to be set up with remus’ brother

distressedmess: you say that now but just wait until you see him -r

distressedmess: I have no idea what he means by this

snakeeyesmf: j e s u s

snakeeyesmf: c h r I s t

distressedmess: soooo angelica or no

snakeeyesmf: you know we should be preparing for classes right

snakeeyesmf: they start tomorrow and youre out here, worrying about who fits what role in a musical

distressedmess: I mean. personally I think you’d fit a lot of different roles

distressedmess: idk if you know this. but you are a mystery to even me and remus and we’ve been talking for years

snakeeyesmf: good that’s how I like it

distressedmess: LAKSHLSKHDF

distressedmess: DO YOU WANT IT OR NOT

snakeeyesmf: THAT DEPENDS CAN YOU HANDLE THE THOUGHT OF ME SINGING

distressedmess: i

distressedmess: actually idk how good is ur singing

distressedmess: NOT THAT I DON’T THINK ITD BE GOOD JUST THAT IF IT’S ANGELIC I WILL DIE ON THE SPOT

snakeeyesmf: alfkhsld

snakeeyesmf: hold on

distressedmess: ok

___

distressedmess: remus I think dee is a siren

getcreativebitch: ???????

distressedmess: she just sent me a video

distressedmess: of her singing satisfied

getcreativebitch: DOES THIS MEAN SHE’S GOING TO BE OUR ANGELICA

distressedmess: I DON’T KNOW BUT HER VOICE IS SO FUCKING GOOD HOW THE FU C K

distressedmess: I GENUINELY FEEL LIKE IM BEWITCHED

distressedmess: YOU COULD TELL ME TO GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE AND I WOULD

getcreativebitch: oh honey you’d do that anyway

getcreativebitch: but also I WANNA SEE WHAT THE FU C K DON’T KEEP THAT FROM M E

distressedmess: OKA Y OK HO LD ON

___

getcreativebitch: DEE

getcreativebitch: THAT VOICE

getcreativebitch: H O M Y GO D

getcreativebitch: IM GAY BUT IDK MA N THAT’S ATTR ACTIVE AF

snakeeyesmf: I forget that you two are an item and that you are incapable of secrets

snakeeyesmf: but also ??? this reaction seems a bit much

getcreativebitch: I CALL BULLSHIT

distressedmess: SAME YOU’RE A FUCKING GODDESS DO NTO

distressedmess: do not

distressedmess: capitals are starting to hurt

snakeeyesmf: capitalism always hurts

distressedmess: LKSHDLSKLKGG

getcreativebitch: can u like. platonically marry someone

getcreativebitch: dee can we get platonically married

snakeeyesmf: marriage is overrated but I mean. at the same time I wouldn’t mind you in a dress;;;

getcreativebitch: :O !!! youd let me wear the dress??

snakeeyesmf: I look fucking amazing in suits don’t even

distressedmess: GIRLS IN SUITS ARE SO GOOD SO I APPROVE

snakeeyesmf: jfc u two are something else

snakeeyesmf: but also it’s Just Singing and if ur gonna ask me to play the role I might as well go all in

getcreativebitch: you are Unbelievably Extra espec bc this is just for goofing around

getcreativebitch: but also

getcreativebitch: BULL

getcreativebitch: SHIT

distressedmess: are u a music major by any chance?

snakeeyesmf: I am NOT THAT GOOD shut up

snakeeyesmf: and no im going into law actually

distressedmess: omg you’re gonna be a LAWYER

distressedmess: WE HAVE A LAWYER FRIEND??

getcreativebitch: I find this painfully ironic given how much ive listened to you rant abt the justice system

snakeeyesmf: if ur gonna complain abt the system u might as well change it urself

snakeeyesmf: especially when nobody else is going to change it right

distressedmess: GUYS FOCU S

distressedmess: SI NGI NG

getcreativebitch: RIGHT

getcreativebitch: WE WERE DISCUSSING HOW WE’RE FRIENDS WITH AN ANGEL I COMPLETELY FORGOT

getcreativebitch: HOW FOOLISH OF ME

snakeeyesmf: you are both ridiculous Shut UP

getcreativebitch: BITCH YOU’RE FABULOUS AND IM GOING TO PROVE IT

getcreativebitch: HOLD ON

snakeeyesmf: IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO WHAT ITHINK YOURE GOING TO DO

snakeeyesmf: I WILL KILL YOU

snakeeyesmf: WITH MY BARE HANDS

getcreativebitch: BETTER START THEN I ALREADY SENT THE VIDEO

snakeeyesmf: ur door is unlocked

getcreativebitch: .

snakeeyesmf: :) run :)

getcreativebitch: fuck

distressedmess: alfkhdslg

distressedmess: oh fuck ok youre actually going to chase him got it

___

getcreativebitch: [video attached]

getcreativebitch: thoughts

princelyjudgment: !!!!!!!!!!!

princelyjudgment: HOLY FUCK

princelyjudgment: I LOVE THIS???? IS THIS YOUR FRIEND

princelyjudgment: HER VOIC E ??????

princelyjudgment: I want . to keep it in a bottle & listen to it when im feeling sad

getcreativebitch: roman what the fuck

princelyjudgment: I didn’t realize how weird it was until I sent it ok shut up

princelyjudgment: WAIT DOES THIS EMAN WE HAVE AN ANGELICA

getcreativebitch: IDK WE’RE CURRENTLY TRYING TO CONVINCE HER OF HER ANGELIC STATUS

getcreativebitch: which btw has led to her trying to MURDER ME BC APPARENTLY I AM NOT ALLOWED TO POINT THIS OUT

princelyjudgment: omg

getcreativebitch: im hiding in a closet rn

princelyjudgment: u mean like how we did for the first like sixteen years of our lives

getcreativebitch: SHUT

getcreativebitch: o she’s outside the door

princelyjudgment: rip

getcreativebitch: IM GOING TO BE MURDERED AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS “RIP”

getcreativebitch: im wounded

princelyjudgment: its what u deserve for denying the way of god

getcreativebitch: god will have my soul when he stops allowing cruelty and corruption

princelyjudgment: ALSFHSDLKDS

getcreativebitch: SHE PBRJIOAFKH

princelyjudgment: and he is dead

princelyjudgment: may he rest in pieces and crofters

_getcreativebitch has changed their username to snakebiting_

snakebiting: I have many questions

snakebiting: starting with the crofters bit bc ??????

princelyjudgment: it’s a jab at one of our friends

princelyjudgment: and me but mostly logan

princelyjudgment: also are u remus angel friend

snakebiting: I see you want to be next on my hitlist

snakebiting: but yes

princelyjudgment: is remus ok

snakebiting: he’s fine I just stole his phone

snakebiting: I am currently locked in my room so he can’t get to me

snakebiting: bc unlike me, he cant pick locks

princelyjudgment: the fact u know this abt him is concerning

snakebiting: we once discussed lock-picking when talking abt my parents

princelyjudgment: I am even More concerned

princelyjudgment: but anyway! hi! ur dee right?

princelyjudgment: im roman & I give u full permission to destroy my brother and make him Hurt

snakebiting: hello roman

snakebiting: I already plan to destroy remus & virgil at this point if they continue picking on my voice

princelyjudgment: from my understanding they’re complimenting it not picking on it

snakebiting: doubt.jpeg

princelyjudgment: omg

princelyjudgment: but??? I think ur voice is very good??

princelyjudgment: you must practice a lot

snakebiting: if by practice you mean stress-singing to block out shouting then yes

princelyjudgment: what in the fuck is wrong with your folks

snakebiting: nvm

snakebiting: and tho I appreciate the sentiment I doubt my voice is that good

princelyjudgment: u can scroll up to mine and remus’ previous convo

princelyjudgment: im being serious your voice is great

snakebiting: i

snakebiting: oh

snakebiting: I see

snakebiting: I don’t know how to respond to this

snakebiting: are u a fan of the little mermaid?

princelyjudgment: I am the resident Disney fan

snakebiting: interesting

princelyjudgment: yea sorry idk where that comment abt the bottle thing came from

princelyjudgment: I say weird shit sometimes

snakebiting: I am friends with remus I am not surprised in the slightest

princelyjudgment: ok

princelyjudgment: clarifying

princelyjudgment: I say weird shit that Is Within Reason

snakebiting: oho a sense of humor

snakebiting: I wonder what other talents the prince roman possesses?

princelyjudgment: o h boy

princelyjudgment: well uh. actually. if we’re going to be talking about singing

princelyjudgment: im uh ;; theater major

princelyjudgment: I do a Lot of singing and performances

princelyjudgment: also can play the piano

snakebiting: funny, so can i

princelyjudgment: :O !!!!

princelyjudgment: duet buddies?

snakebiting: perhaps

snakebiting: im not very good

princelyjudgment: if ur piano playing is even half of what your singing voice is I assure you it’s amazing

snakebiting: ur complimenting my musical skills is coming off more as mocking than genuine at this rate

princelyjudgment: I promise u I am being sincere

princelyjudgment: like so sincere I could dance rn

princelyjudgment: or maybe just. set myself on fire bc I have a lot of love to give and no idea how to show it

snakebiting: I see now that both of the prince brothers are extra as fuck

snakebiting: but thanks, I guess

snakebiting: I suppose if you ever need someone to help you practice I could be of service

princelyjudgment: !!!!! ok!!!!!

princelyjudgment: do u want my contact info

snakebiting: sure

princelyjudgment: y e s

___

distressedmess: remus wants his phone back

snakeeyesmf: I am currently flirting with his brother he’s going to have to wait

distressedmess: o h m y GO D

snakeeyesmf: also, I have decided to accept the offer to be angelica

snakeeyesmf: on the condition that I also get to be maria

distressedmess: OH M Y G OD YOU’D MAKE A GREAT MA RIA

snakeeyesmf: hence why I said it

snakeeyesmf: ok I have the princes number, tell remus he can have his phone back

snakeeyesmf: ON THE CONDITION THAT HE STOPS SENDING PEOPLE IMAGES OF MY FACE

distressedmess: he makes no promises

snakeeyesmf: I now have two phones

distressedmess: O HASLFHSDLKGHSG

___

_snakebiting has changed their username to getcreativebitch_

getcreativebitch: I cannot believe. that you and my bro managed to hit it off pretty much the moment you started talking to each other

getcreativebitch: it took us forever to get u to open up how the fUCK

snakeeyesmf: I still don’t trust him

snakeeyesmf: however he has your idiocy and impulsiveness

snakeeyesmf: so

getcreativebitch: WOW

snakeeyesmf: plus he seems very passionate

snakeeyesmf: he wants to be duet buddies

getcreativebitch: I ship it

snakeeyesmf: eat a dick and choke on it

getcreativebitch: ohohohohoho

getcreativebitch: so you ARE an exhibitionist

snakeeyesmf: e a t a d ic k

snakeeyesmf: and ch o ke

getcreativebitch: ;)

getcreativebitch: so like … lawyer huh

snakeeyesmf: don’t make me talk shit abt creative writing majors bc I can and will do it

getcreativebitch: im double majoring bitch fuck u

getcreativebitch: creative writing AND archaeological studies bich get on my LEVEL

snakeeyesmf: why am I not surprised by that combination

getcreativebitch: ink and bones make me whole dee

snakeeyesmf: im

snakeeyesmf: actually im intrigued

getcreativebitch: :o !! infodump time?

snakeeyesmf: go ahead

getcreativebitch: YE S

___

2billogical: who brought up musicals to princey

residentdad: wasn’t me ive been scrapbooking like all day

2billogical: ah so that’s why you’ve been so quiet

residentdad: alskfhsldhk SHHH

residentdad: but also I ?? don’t hear any singing so why are u asking this

2billogical: he just walked into my part of the room, told me hes radiating “big pan energy” and then stole The Headphones and left

residentdad: oh

residentdad: o h my

residentdad: oh wait aww hes crushing

princelyjudgment: both of u will die at midnight I have just decided

2billogical: bold of u to assume u can kill me

princelyjudgment: I can pick you up with one hand

2billogical: and I used to be a wrestler

princelyjudgment: hmm

princelyjudgment: but also FUCK OFF PAT IM NOT CRUSHING

2billogical: virgil & remus have said nothing this entire time

2billogical: I would like an explanation

getcreativebitch: we’re making out shut up

2billogical: I regret pressing the matter

distressedmess: alkfhlsdg

distressedmess: that would be our fault bc dee has agreed to being angelica & maria Reynolds for our makeshift hamfam

distressedmess: she and princey talked briefly and according to her she was flirting, so

residentdad: :O !!!!! YESSSSS

residentdad: I can finally sing schuyler sisters with someone !!!!!

residentdad: OH does dee do cosplay??

distressedmess: not sure

getcreativebitch: knowing where patton is going with this I have no doubt that she’s gonna start

residentdad: ShhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHH

residentdad: only if she wants to

getcreativebitch: well duh obviously

2billogical: does this mean we should add her to the group chat?

2billogical: I know she is remus & virgil’s friend but if she wants to be included in your shenanigans it’d only make sense to add her

residentdad: don’t act like you don’t like being aaron burr, sir

2billogical: I only like being burr bc I can “roast” princey

2billogical: figuratively

princelyjudgment: ok but actually? like actually??

princelyjudgment: burn

2billogical: you’ve made patton do that enough, thanks

distressedmess: oHHHHHHH

getcreativebitch: alkhfdslhg ily logan ur great

2billogical: I appreciate your existence as well

2billogical: are we adding her or not?

getcreativebitch: I’ll go ask!!!

distressedmess: one sec

residentdad: ok!!!

___

residentdad: are u ok

2billogical: I am Going to spontaneously combust

2billogical: my chest burns and my face is seething and I am terribly aware of my body in time and space and I am GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

residentdad: so no

2billogical: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2billogical: this is so unfair

2billogical: I should not have these reactions any time remus talks to me I do NOT understand

2billogical: he is happy and I should be happy for him and yet

residentdad: you cant help that you love him

2billogical: BUT I SHOULDN’T CONSIDERING HES BEEN DATING VIRGIL FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS????

residentdad: you cant control who you love logan

residentdad: maybe you could talk to him about?? not?? saying those things??

2billogical: but he doesn’t mean it romantically and he does that with everyone

2billogical: plus if I tell him that he might think I am also referring to his stranger admissions which he already self conscious about which I do Not want to do

residentdad: you know communication is healthy and important

residentdad: and would clear all of that up right

2billogical: I don’t want to explain to him that I am in love with him patton can we just

2billogical: can we not

2billogical: they’re talking again

residentdad: do u need hugs?

2billogical: yes

residentdad: comin up

___

_distressedmess added snakeeyesmf to the chat._

residentdad: oh hello

princelyjudgment: OH

princelyjudgment: OH WE’RE JUST GONNA GO THERE HUH

princelyjudgment: I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE MORE WARNING

distressedmess: are u done

getcreativebitch: yea like rlly tho are u done

princelyjudgment: both of u are terrible hush

princelyjudgment: hi dee!!

snakeeyesmf: hello roman

snakeeyesmf: I have been informed that this is the musical group

snakeeyesmf: or as im calling it the gay disaster bunch, given what I know from the prince brothers & virgil

princelyjudgment: H E Y

getcreativebitch: honestly fair

residentdad: you’re not wrong but dang dude

2billogical: hello

2billogical: is dee short for something or?

2billogical: I don’t know if that was rude to ask, sorry

snakeeyesmf: it’s short for damnation bc I bring hellfire everywhere I go

distressedmess: edgy

snakeeyesmf: I try

snakeeyesmf: and more seriously yeah its short for Donnelly bc my parents fuckin hate me

residentdad: that sounds like a nice name

snakeeyesmf: not when they say it it isn’t

snakeeyesmf: also I prefer eve or dee Do Not call me donnelly

distressedmess: knife??

snakeeyesmf: NO MURDER WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS

getcreativebitch: knife pls??

snakeeyesmf: DO NOT

residentdad: yea actually lets not tho

residentdad: but also ill adopt u

residentdad: if that’s cool with u

2billogical: say no

residentdad: wow FUCK you logan

residentdad: u get none of my uwus

2billogical: what in the name of newton is an uwu

princelyjudgment: ARE EITHER OF YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE YOURSELVES TO THE SIREN OR WHAT

snakeeyesmf: the what

distressedmess: oh are we

distressedmess: are we accepting the hc that dee is a siren now

snakeeyesmf: im sorry WHAT

getcreativebitch: ooooooo yes I want dee to hypnotize me and give me the whole world then tear me into itty bitty shreds

snakeeyesmf: I am

snakeeyesmf: I am so confused

residentdad: I think logan is dead but hi!! im patton!! im logan’s brother and also a sundrop according to roman

2billogical: you literally radiate the good vibes

2billogical: also hi this is logan and I am currently being beaten with a pillow

residentdad: not my fault you brought newton into this

snakeeyesmf: nice to meet you

snakeeyesmf: I see I am the only actual adult in this group

2billogical: I resent that

distressedmess: dee ily but u are Not. u are Not anymore of an adult than we are u are a literal babey

snakeeyesmf: your door

snakeeyesmf: is Unlocked

distressedmess: try it I dare u

snakeeyesmf: .

snakeeyesmf: so have all of you been roped into virgil & remus’ attempts to lie to me about everything or what

getcreativebitch: YOU

getcreativebitch: ARE 100% RIGHT WE’RE TOTALLY CONVERTING LOGAN & PATTON INTO THE LOVING EVE GANG

residentdad: I have a lot of love to give so I am ok with this

snakeeyesmf: I don’t mind love I just don’t like lying

distressedmess: voicing our adoration for you and pointing out your amazing looks & voice is not lying it is fact and I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS

getcreativebitch: I now have a tiny spider lying on my back

distressedmess: I will kill you

getcreativebitch: kinky

princelyjudgment: STOP

2billogical: idk what youre referring to but I assure you that I am not one for lying and will be upfront about things if I feel the need to do so

residentdad: he will

residentdad: I still haven’t forgiven him for criticizing my baking

2billogical: I know you’re talking about that baking competition from 3 years ago

2billogical: and those cookies nearly killed me so I think I got the worse end of the deal

residentdad: MY PRIDE HAS FOREVER BEEN BROKEN BC OF THAT COMPETITION

2billogical: YOU POISONED ME WITH A COOKIE

distressedmess: seriously tho if ur worried abt us lying just ask logan he’ll set us straight

snakeeyesmf: does this mean you will stop insisting that I am beautiful & a siren apparently which wtf

2billogical: beauty is a social construct

2billogical: a construct virgil & remus usually despise why on earth are the two of u pushing that

distressedmess: [image attached]

2billogical: ah

2billogical: I get it

residentdad: pretty!!!!

snakeeyesmf: WH Y

getcreativebitch: I still have the vid of you singing satisfied

princelyjudgment: same I saved it alkhfsdl

snakeeyesmf: DO N OT

2billogical: even if they did share it their comparisons to a mythological creature have zero evidence

2billogical: especially when there is no proof such a creature even exists

getcreativebitch: I am taking so much offense to this blatant cryptid erasure

2billogical: in roman’s words, you are just smelly and lack self-preservation skills

getcreativebitch: ROMAN

princelyjudgment: L O G AN

2billogical: that’s the tea sis

snakeeyesmf: no actually im convinced that remus is descended from at least one cryptid so we’re going to have to disagree on that

distressedmess: can confirm

distressedmess: bf is a freak

getcreativebitch: BITCH I SURE THE FUCK AM

getcreativebitch: this also makes roman part cryptid so like it also doubles as an insult to him

princelyjudgment: INSULT

princelyjudgment: IM SORRY IM NOT THE ONE WHO WANTS TO MARRY MOTHMAN

2billogical: I read that as mathman

2billogical: I need to go to sleep

residentdad: it’s 3pm??

2billogical: your point?

princelyjudgment: you literally got after me yesterday for wanting to nap at 1pm

2billogical: yes but I am a mess you at least pretend to have your life together

princelyjudgment: WO W

getcreativebitch: dee’s right we’re all gay disasters

getcreativebitch: and for the record there are many people I would marry

getcreativebitch: I have like. a list

getcreativebitch: laws need to change so I can marry multiple ppl tbh it’s an outrage that I cant

distressedmess: I still cant believe you have the devil on that list

getcreativebitch: im a FREAK we ESTABLISHED THIS

snakeeyesmf: I want to be the maid of honor

getcreativebitch: will you wear a suit?

snakeeyesmf: s….suit dress

getcreativebitch: YES

distressedmess: Y E S

princelyjudgment: so are we going to share dee’s voice with the blind duo or

2billogical: ROMAN

2billogical: that’s it

residentdad: alkfhsldg

residentdad: logan jus tl kdfsfufcking

residentdad: charged into roman and tackled hi m

residentdad: im criyn g

snakeeyesmf: good bc IT’S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD THE AUDACITY

distressedmess: [video attached]

distressedmess: bet

snakeeyesmf: LKHFLSDHKSLDKHGSDG

snakeeyesmf: HOW TO DELETE SOMEONES EXISTENCE

snakeeyesmf: GOOGLE SEARCH

getcreativebitch: how to make your friend understand you love them and would die for them

getcreativebitch: google search

snakeeyesmf: LKHSLDKHFLSKHGLSDKG FU KIC NGASL HKDD

snakeeyesmf: PERISH

getcreativebitch: cant im too busy loving my friends

getcreativebitch: and roman but less so

princelyjudgment: logan can u tackle remus next

2billogical: no and im going the FUCK to sleep so don’t you dare wake me

residentdad: 3 pm

2billogical: DO NOT WAKE ME

2billogical: nice meeting you dee, your voice is pleasant

2billogical: night im not waking up until tomorrow

snakeeyesmf: first of all, no

snakeeyesmf: second of all, gnight

distressedmess: night logan!!!!

residentdad: he is now sleeping

residentdad: and I am very in love with dee’s voice

snakeeyesmf: I see you want ur phone to get kidnapped

snakeeyesmf: bc that is what you have just decided

getcreativebitch: rip

distressedmess: rip

princelyjudgment: rip

residentdad: wow ok then

___

2billogical: I now have two crushes

residentdad: valid

residentdad: but also, it’s 2 in the morning

residentdad: sleep

2billogical: mmm no

2billogical: I can only think about how stupid and bi I am, so. no sleep

residentdad: oh my god logan

residentdad: yknow I used to be the hopeless romantic of the family wtf happened

2billogical: I went to therapy

residentdad: oh yea

residentdad: do u want 2 chill and eat junk food until the sun comes up?

2billogical: yes pls

residentdad: hell yea


	3. Chapter 3

residentdad: TODAY IS THE DAY

residentdad: FIRST DAY OF CLASSES HERE WE GOOO

residentdad: I AM READY TO CONQUER COLLEGE

princelyjudgment: it is 7am

residentdad: logan and I have been up since 2 so u literally shouldn’t be complaining rn

princelyjudgment: what the fuck guys

princelyjudgment: also my first class isn’t until 10 why are u waking me up !!!!

residentdad: IM EXCITED !!!! FIRST DAY EVER OF COLLEGE IT’S SO EXCITING

residentdad: it’s like….you get to learn abt all the things, but without all the drama in high school

residentdad: also I Don’t have classes back to back to back which is the fucking BOMB

2billogical: sounds nice in theory but my first class is at 8, so I would prefer an actual bomb

residentdad: N O

2billogical: it’d be a quick and merciful death compared to most

princelyjudgment: it is SEVEN IN THE FUCKING MORNING LOGAN

2billogical: my day started hours ago

princelyjudgment: yea bc you’re a MESS but I AM NOT and PREFER NOT TO TALK ABT DEATH FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

getcreativebitch: death is fun to talk abt tho

getcreativebitch: ya ever looked up what’d happen if u cooked a person from the inside out?

getcreativebitch: now THAT. that’s a terrible way to go

getcreativebitch: melty gooey brain

princelyjudgment: u gh h h h ShUT UP

princelyjudgment: also don’t u have a boyf to pester

princelyjudgment: why am I being subjected to this

getcreativebitch: he’s sleeping

princelyjudgment: that has never stopped you before

getcreativebitch: yea but. you see.

getcreativebitch: I love him

getcreativebitch: and I actually give a shit what he thinks abt me, so.

princelyjudgment: I might tolerate u if u didn’t TALK ABOUT MELTING PEOPLES BRAINS FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

princelyjudgment: im going back to sleep

residentdad: sleep well!!

princelyjudgment: thx

2billogical: hello remus

getcreativebitch: hi logan!!!!!

getcreativebitch: also rip on the 8am class idk why the hell u’d schedule urself for one of those

2billogical: it’s required

getcreativebitch: what’s ur major again??? I forget

2billogical: computer science

getcreativebitch: HA

getcreativebitch: no thx u have fun with that

2billogical: I will actually

residentdad: pls be nice to my brother

getcreativebitch: I didn’t mean it in a bad way

residentdad: still pls

residentdad: and like. actually can we not talk abt dark topics bc princey did have a point it is a bit too early for that

residentdad: not to mention it might make the others rlly uncomfortable

getcreativebitch: mmk

getcreativebitch: didn’t see u sayin anything when logan was doin it but ok

residentdad: im saying it now

2billogical: behave, both of u

residentdad: im not the one u need to worry about

getcreativebitch: ok

getcreativebitch: o k

getcreativebitch: I did not realize we were doin this first thing in the morning

2billogical: no

2billogical: we are not doing this

residentdad: I didn’t do anything

getcreativebitch: OF COURSE YOU fuckign didn’t u never do anything

residentdad: I didn’t say that either

getcreativebitch: no but u sure as hell like to make it out that way

getcreativebitch: like how you make me out to be the bad guy

residentdad: maybe if you didn’t talk about disturbing imagery all the time I wouldn’t feel the need to tell you to stop.

_2billogical froze the chat for 10 minutes._

___

residentdad: don’t u dare defend him

2billogical: im pissed at both of you actually

2billogical: all of that was uncalled for

residentdad: so is mentioning cooking someone alive logan

2billogical: i am aware

2billogical: but you and I both know that those are just thoughts

2billogical: and tho they may have been inappropriate to share at this time, getting angry at him is not helping anything

residentdad: yeah, they’re thoughts. thoughts nobody wants to hear and thoughts I didn’t ask to be subjected to, that ive said multiple times are uncomfortable for me, that he continues to talk about anyway

residentdad: I know that he can’t help having those thoughts but yknow I rlly wonder sometimes if they bother him as much as u claim they do

residentdad: he doesn’t seem to care how it makes other people feel

2billogical: ok first of all I have SEEN you two talk abt this where you have TOLD HIM he can talk to u abt this so already I know u are full of shit

2billogical: second of all if it rlly is that bothersome to you why don’t u just talk to him instead of being a passive aggressive asshole about it

residentdad: u mean like how you talk to him about how YOU feel?

2billogical: don’t

residentdad: im just saying that maybe he shouldn’t say stuff like that

residentdad: especially in a public chat room

2billogical: repression doesn’t help intrusive thoughts, you know this

residentdad: so making everyone else uncomfortable is somehow better??

2billogical: jesus Christ patton

2billogical: im getting ready for class

2billogical: I would think very carefully on how ur going to approach this situation

residentdad: fine

residentdad: have a good session

2billogical: k

___

getcreativebitch: hello are you free after 11

snakeeyesmf: good morning remus

getcreativebitch: define good

snakeeyesmf: ?

snakeeyesmf: and I am

snakeeyesmf: may I ask why?

getcreativebitch: ur part of the big group chat so u can look for urself

getcreativebitch: but I need to set up my therapy appt with the health center

getcreativebitch: and I don’t. want to go alone

getcreativebitch: actually I don’t think I should be alone at all rn but yea

snakeeyesmf: I am very concerned and a little hesitant to check but uh

snakeeyesmf: one second

getcreativebitch: mmmk

snakeeyesmf: i

snakeeyesmf: ????? these are your friends?????

getcreativebitch: patton and I aren’t friends we just tolerate each other bc of roman

getcreativebitch: and logan bc logan is pretty chill

snakeeyesmf: is virgil awake

getcreativebitch: no

getcreativebitch: he’s like dead asleep too so I doubt hed wake up if I tried to wake him

getcreativebitch: I raided our fridge like 10mins ago and now im just eating ice and trying Not to bash my skull in

snakeeyesmf: chaotic & expected

getcreativebitch: alkdfhdslh

getcreativebitch: u know I was trying to be serious

snakeeyesmf: I am too but I also am aware of the fact you need positive emotions

snakeeyesmf: ergo, validating ur cryptid nature

getcreativebitch: alkfhdslkhgs

getcreativebitch: can I … adopt u …….but like as a sibling ………

snakeeyesmf: perhaps

getcreativebitch: bless

getcreativebitch: but yeah I uh. im not. doing well and if it weren’t for the fact id get dropped from the class id skip my class for today bc holy shit I am

getcreativebitch: I am having some Thoughts

getcreativebitch: and I just !! I feel so stupid bc . it’s my own fault for not shutting up and being gross !!! this has happened before and it’ll probably happen again bc I can’t! learn! how to just be a normal fucking person that Doesn’t upset everyone I care abt

getcreativebitch: and I just. don’t.

getcreativebitch: I Don’t get why I do this to myself

snakeeyesmf: do you want me to say something?

getcreativebitch: NO

getcreativebitch: no

getcreativebitch: I just. want. to Stop

getcreativebitch: preferably without a tongue or a brain

getcreativebitch: mayhaps fingers as well

getcreativebitch: oh ew bad mental image

snakeeyesmf: ok well I would prefer none of that

snakeeyesmf: u said after 11?

getcreativebitch: yea I have a class in like 20mins and then im free for like. the rest of the day. after 11…..

getcreativebitch: I think vi is going too tho bc he mentioned something abt starting therapy

snakeeyesmf: I can go with you both

getcreativebitch: you’re a literal angel and I adore you

snakeeyesmf: uno reverse

getcreativebitch: ALKHFDSLGHSDLGHkhlfsdhlkhsd

getcreativebitch: I am more demon than angel

snakeeyesmf: and yet I adore u

snakeeyesmf: funny how that works out

getcreativebitch: ok I have got my shit together & kissed my bf goodbye im leaving now

getcreativebitch: thanks dee

snakeeyesmf: ofc

snakeeyesmf: anytime

___

getcreativebitch: so.

princelyjudgment: im already scared

getcreativebitch: it’s nothing gross shut up

princelyjudgment: I am even More scared

getcreativebitch: hahaha fuck you

getcreativebitch: but also im in forensic science and lowkey want to switch my major already

princelyjudgment: ? oh??

princelyjudgment: you never struck me as a science type of person

getcreativebitch: yea but this professor started out with a video on decomposition

getcreativebitch: I am Living

princelyjudgment: I am no longer surprised

princelyjudgment: I do not want to hear anything from this class just fyi

getcreativebitch: no problem im just letting u know I am So Down for this

princelyjudgment: nice

princelyjudgment: I am now going to look at the billion notifs from the gc brb

getcreativebitch: or don’t

getcreativebitch: maybe don’t do that

princelyjudgment: …..why

princelyjudgment: ok well judging by ur silence Something Happened which means I have to look now

getcreativebitch: goddammit

___

princelyjudgment: hi hello what the fuck

2billogical: morning roman

princelyjudgment: hi

princelyjudgment: ok so?? did our rule of “no arguments in text” just get thrown out the window or?? what?

princelyjudgment: are we back to accusing each other of bs and being assholes or what bc ?????

princelyjudgment: I am NOT. I am not tolerating it

2billogical: tbf I did freeze the chat

princelyjudgment: im not mad at u logan

2billogical: noted

getcreativebitch: i! do! not! want! to! do! this!!!

getcreativebitch: leave it Alone roman

princelyjudgment: I will NOT bc this keeps happening and I am Tired Of It

princelyjudgment: I am tired of my brother getting upset and my friend getting pissed over some stupid hang up

princelyjudgment: ESPECIALLY when my obvious JOKING was used in the argument

princelyjudgment: Idc if it means that you two just stop talking or what but you Need to figure something out that does not involve doing whatever the fuck this is

princelyjudgment: I know both of u are reading these texts.

princelyjudgment: are you going to work through this or not? bc if the answer is no you can do shit like this w/o making the rest of us see it

residentdad: fine

getcreativebitch: fine

princelyjudgment: ok

princelyjudgment: good

princelyjudgment: im heading to class

2billogical: fair enough

residentdad: have a good class

princelyjudgment: thanks pat

princelyjudgment: and im being serious yall Better work it out or I will lock you both in a closet and keep you there until you do

getcreativebitch: sounds claustrophobic no thanks

princelyjudgment: and yet

princelyjudgment: I would

princelyjudgment: ttyl

2billogical: goodbye roman

___

distressedmess: I woke up in a panic bc I forgot that my classes aren’t until the afternoon

distressedmess: checked the gc to find it a complete warzone

distressedmess: and I am now blasting a playlist thru my headphones and wearing remus’ coat bc soft and also it smells like him and I am Alone

distressedmess: so uh. that’s how the first 10mins of today has gone for me so far

snakeeyesmf: good morning virgil

snakeeyesmf: I am equally frazzled

snakeeyesmf: and remus is in this chat if u didn’t realize

distressedmess: well I do nOW

distressedmess: also only you would use frazzled in this day n age

getcreativebitch: she’s a goddess we’ve established this

snakeeyesmf: I thought I was a siren?

getcreativebitch: u are both

getcreativebitch: bc reasons

snakeeyesmf: I see

distressedmess: !!! remus !!! how are you doing

distressedmess: im sorry I wasn’t awake before u left or when shit went down or else I would have fought for u

getcreativebitch: I would prefer you not go to jail

distressedmess: I would tho

distressedmess: if only for the ppl I love

getcreativebitch: mm

getcreativebitch: I honestly would prefer just. cuddling & maybe weed. instead of 20yrs in prison

distressedmess: I got u

getcreativebitch: bless

snakeeyesmf: am I actually included in this conversation or are u two just going to be obnoxiously in love

getcreativebitch: I mean

getcreativebitch: im gay but if ur rlly feeling left out

snakeeyesmf: cease

distressedmess: is ur class over w/ ??

getcreativebitch: unfortunately

getcreativebitch: which means!! it is time to go to the health center and hopefully not

getcreativebitch: nvm

distressedmess: I literally do not give a fuck abt ur descriptions of things remus just go ham

getcreativebitch: perhaps

getcreativebitch: but not when they’re directed @ me

snakeeyesmf: where are u rn?

getcreativebitch: uhhhh

getcreativebitch: the bathroom

distressedmess: are u puking

getcreativebitch: I may or may not be possibly not exactly doing that

snakeeyesmf: .

snakeeyesmf: so can I murder patton or??

getcreativebitch: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO JAIL EITHER MS. LAWYER GODDESS

snakeeyesmf: I am very persuasive

snakeeyesmf: plus. I only go to jail if I am caught

getcreativebitch: DO N O T

getcreativebitch: we don’t get along but I don’t want him dead either

getcreativebitch: I just

getcreativebitch: hhh

distressedmess: ok well I actually do want to fight patton now so there’s that

getcreativebitch: N O

getcreativebitch: jfc Why are we all so murdery

distressedmess: it’s the times man I s2g

snakeeyesmf: I would argue human nature but that’s what laws are for

distressedmess: rem it’s been a minute are u ok

getcreativebitch: there are tiny bugs in my skin and I want to tear them out

getcreativebitch: stupid whispery bugs and I hate them so much

snakeeyesmf: ok well that’s not a good sign

snakeeyesmf: we’re picking u up

distressedmess: building?

getcreativebitch: Matthews

distressedmess: got it

getcreativebitch: sorry

distressedmess: do not apologize

getcreativebitch: I mean I want to say sorry again but

getcreativebitch: yeah

snakeeyesmf: if anyone should be sorry it’s virgil

snakeeyesmf: for scARING THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF ME THE MOMENT I OPENED MY DOOR

distressedmess: I WAS GOING TO KNOCK

getcreativebitch: I love you two so fucking much it’s unreal

getcreativebitch: not to worry u but I uhhhhh fucked up my arm can u like. can u hurry up

snakeeyesmf: on our way

getcreativebitch: ur the best

___

snakeeyesmf: can I steal ur brother

princelyjudgment: what in the actual fuck does this mean

snakeeyesmf: you know

snakeeyesmf: steal him

snakeeyesmf: adopt

snakeeyesmf: protect

princelyjudgment: I mean?? sure??

princelyjudgment: if this is abt the gc im very sorry u had to see that

princelyjudgment: it’s usually a lot calmer than that

snakeeyesmf: from what I have gathered patton & remus don’t ever get along

snakeeyesmf: which atm also extends to me bc I don’t appreciate when ppl hurt my family

princelyjudgment: same

princelyjudgment: I just wish they could. not fight

princelyjudgment: especially over shit that is just Normal Remus Behavior and that pat usually doesn’t fly off the handle abt

snakeeyesmf: I admire ur efforts to get them to talk

snakeeyesmf: however it may have to wait for a while

princelyjudgment: I don’t like how ominous that sounds

snakeeyesmf: remus is not doing well & we are now at the health center

princelyjudgment: ????? is he ok?????

snakeeyesmf: define ok

princelyjudgment: ok well I don’t like that

princelyjudgment: do I need to go over there or?

snakeeyesmf: he says not to worry about it

princelyjudgment: but should i

snakeeyesmf: virgil & I are with him

princelyjudgment: thank god for that

snakeeyesmf: we have just finished setting therapy appointments

snakeeyesmf: we’re heading back to my dorm so if u want to come see him u can head there

princelyjudgment: I don’t

princelyjudgment: know where ur dorm is

snakeeyesmf: second floor next to remus & virgil’s

princelyjudgment: i

princelyjudgment: I just ran out of my class

princelyjudgment: without sayinganything

princelyjudgment: but also im omw

snakeeyesmf: u are definitely related to remus but alright

princelyjudgment: H E Y

___

getcreativebitch: hello

2billogical: hello remus

2billogical: have u calmed down from this morning?

getcreativebitch: eh

getcreativebitch: im not dead so

2billogical: that is ideal yes

2billogical: tho that implies that u are not well

getcreativebitch: no shit glasses

2billogical: my apologies

getcreativebitch: u didn’t do anything

getcreativebitch: it’s my own fault

2billogical: I would argue that u both were at fault

getcreativebitch: * both were at fault but I hold most of it

getcreativebitch: fixed it for u

2billogical: have u spoken with my brother since the incident?

getcreativebitch: no

getcreativebitch: ive been with virgil & dee all day

getcreativebitch: virgil just left for his first class a few mins ago so I got my phone back

2billogical: I see

2billogical: would it make you feel better if I moderated the conversation?

getcreativebitch: oh

getcreativebitch: oh are we

getcreativebitch: are we doing this rn?

2billogical: not if you don’t want to no

2billogical: it can wait until you are well again

2billogical: I merely offered

getcreativebitch: ok

2billogical: ok what?

getcreativebitch: ok lets just. do the thing

getcreativebitch: better now than later ig

2billogical: alright

2billogical: is dee still with you?

getcreativebitch: yea

2billogical: good

_2billogical added residentdad to the chat._

residentdad: logan

2billogical: greetings

getcreativebitch: glad we’re acknowledging logan’s name

getcreativebitch: can we

getcreativebitch: do the thing now

2billogical: go ahead

residentdad: I

residentdad: I don’t

residentdad: I don’t know where to start

getcreativebitch: hi

residentdad: ;; hello

getcreativebitch: there u go

getcreativebitch: start made

residentdad: right

residentdad: im sorry

getcreativebitch: ???

getcreativebitch: you are?

residentdad: yeah

residentdad: I am

residentdad: you were right, I do ;; antagonize?? you a lot

residentdad: which isn’t fair, especially over thoughts you cant control

getcreativebitch: i

getcreativebitch: oh

getcreativebitch: thanks ig

getcreativebitch: im sorry too

residentdad: it’s ok

getcreativebitch: I mean it’s Not

getcreativebitch: I know it makes u uncomfortable and yet I still. say shit like that anyway

getcreativebitch: and I rlly need to work on not doing that

getcreativebitch: and just. idk

getcreativebitch: thinking before talking

residentdad: thank you

residentdad: are u ok? I saw u weren’t feeling well

getcreativebitch: im

getcreativebitch: better

getcreativebitch: but still gonna get high and nap bc seriously today is fuckin. it’s a Day man

residentdad: ok

residentdad: pls be safe

getcreativebitch: will do

_residentdad has left the chat._

2billogical: thank fucking Christ

getcreativebitch: my thoughts exactly

2billogical: as relieved as I am that this went well

2billogical: it would be appreciated if this did not repeat in the future

getcreativebitch: I think we reached a compromise actually

getcreativebitch: now fr im gonna get high so if u don’t want me to send u weird shit might be a good time to vacate

2billogical: o h g od

___

snakeeyesmf: [video attached]

snakeeyesmf: your boyfriend is fucking ridiculous

distressedmess: o h my g od

distressedmess: I love him

distressedmess: like actually tho?? I love him and I would die for him

distressedmess: I want to marry him

snakeeyesmf: I thought you didn’t like the idea of marriage?

distressedmess: I DON’T

distressedmess: BUT HE IS LITERALLY WEARING MY HOODIE AND RAMBLING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME

distressedmess: HE IS LITERALLY SPOUTING OUT POETRY WHILE HIGH

distressedmess: I. WANT. TO. MARRY. HIM

snakeeyesmf: jfc u two are gross

snakeeyesmf: do u want me to inform him of this revelation?

distressedmess: do you value your life?

snakeeyesmf: bold of u to assume u can kill me

snakeeyesmf: he has been informed

distressedmess: LKDHFSHLGSLDG

distressedmess: I hate you

snakeeyesmf: he just started crying and saying how much he loves you

snakeeyesmf: oh he

snakeeyesmf: oh

distressedmess: do I dare ask

snakeeyesmf: you are going to have to talk to him about this

distressedmess: w h y

snakeeyesmf: I just had to take his phone and laptop away

snakeeyesmf: bc he was going to just buy u a ring

distressedmess: wh

distressedmess: N O FUCK IGN AWAY

distressedmess: I know he’s mentioned it but !!!! WH

distressedmess: but Why

snakeeyesmf: if I ask him that he would never shut up so let’s not

distressedmess: I have class for 2 more hours how dare u make me aware of this when I cant smother him in love and affection

snakeeyesmf: you are both

snakeeyesmf: so. fucking. gross.

snakeeyesmf: literally hopeless

distressedmess: just wait when u get an s/o

distressedmess: you’ll understand

snakeeyesmf: g r o s s

___

snakeeyesmf: remus and virgil are disgustingly in love

snakeeyesmf: in other news I think I am starting to get high so please murder me asap

distressedmess: LKHASFLKSDKLH

2billogical: im setting up therapy appt so no

2billogical: but also I thought remus was the one getting high

snakeeyesmf: contact high

2billogical: ah

residentdad: Please be careful I am begging u

residentdad: wait are u smoking in ur dorm

snakeeyesmf: of course not

distressedmess: they are

snakeeyesmf: fuck you

distressedmess: I have a boyf but thanks anyway

snakeeyesmf: ACTUALLY PERSIH

snakeeyesmf: I am being held bc remus is cuddly

princelyjudgment: lucky

princelyjudgment: WAIT I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND THAT FUCK

snakeeyesmf: i

getcreativebitch: shes blushgni

snakeeyesmf: I have to go murder remus excuse me

princelyjudgment: alkhfdsl

getcreativebitch: is cuddling a form of mrder now

snakeeyesmf: I am suddenly very tired

getcreativebitch: join th e fuCUKNG club

princelyjudgment: you two should probably just sleep

2billogical: and not send us messages while high

distressedmess: and save me some weed so I can get high after class

residentdad: VIRGIL

distressedmess: u cant stop me dad

distressedmess: but also im just incredibly stressed out and I just. I need. relax time

getcreativebitch: EVE PURRS EVE PURRS EVE PURRS

getcreativebitch: I LOVE MY BEST FRIEN D

snakeeyesmf: SH UTH UP

distressedmess: this class needs to end right now I s2g

residentdad: I didn’t know people could purr????

2billogical: I didn’t either

2billogical: THAT WAS NOT AN INVITATION TO PET ME

princelyjudgment: I cannot Believe im rooming with you two

getcreativebitch: cuddly babey s nake

snakeeyesmf: LITERALLY FU CK OF f

distressedmess: well

distressedmess: at least today ended on a high note

residentdad: PUNS

2billogical: and virgil is now dead to me! wonderful

distressedmess: you laughed and u know it

2billogical: and wants to be murdered! interesting

princelyjudgment: akhfsdlklksh


End file.
